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rarsneezesoh my god i wrote 1000 words before i got to uh. just doing my traditional listing shit phase. help
2022 retrospective....... not sure even where to start lol. 2022 was a weird year for me especially - not bad weird, just different - because I like. wasnt writing. I wasnt NOT writing, of course, obviously I wrote some, but it was like... I'd write whenever inspiration struck, rather than wanting to write 24/7, like I have basically every year before. 75k words in 2022, which is a lot, but far from the 200k I usually average, or even the 150k I spat out in 2021.
and like. numbers dont matter, I genuinely sincerely dont care that the number is small. I'm satisfied with the amount I created this year. do I wish it was more? sure. what writer - what CREATOR - doesnt wish they had the time and ability to do more than what they actually did? finish all their wips? actually touch the things they keep saying they will, and then dont?
It's weird, and if I think too much about it, I'll end up getting way sad about how much I didn't do. (Which isnt even, really, a personal failing. it's a combo of health problems vs mental health problems vs capitalist society vs there will only ever be 24 hours in a day.)
I feel like if I keep saying I'm not sad, really, its just going to make it sound like I'm just trying to convince myself of that, lol, and maybe I am? maybe it's possible to be sad, but also to be content with outcome, at the same time. it's not ideal, but so few things in this world are ideal, especially lately.
let me tell you about the things that I did instead of writing, because I think that'll be more fun - and maybe let you see some more into my thought process - anyway.
I spent a lot of 2022 hanging out with my friends. on call on discord almost every night. and I dont regret that one bit! I kept making that decision, yeah, but spending time with friends is easy, and declining to spend time with friends in favor of sitting staring at a word document and struggling to put words to a page.... why would anyone do that? really, truly, why would anyone want to refuse to do something fun just to MAYBE write some words so your word count goes up? when I look at it like that... of course it makes more sense to spend my time with my friends.
also: I am the kind of person who is typically plagued 24/7 by my silly little fic ideas. the past twelve years of my writing career, easy, I was used to just... of course I always wanted to write. there were ideas in my head and how else was I meant to get them out? my blorbos are having a conversation with each other, let me write it down. And in 2022... that stopped. Not bad, not good, just a thing that happened. the blorbos in my head stopped talking, and I stopped wanting to write.
not that I hated writing all of a sudden, or disliked the concept of it: but the driving force that had made me put 200k words on a page every year for the past ten years? that was gone. no silly little conversations to write down. no ideas that plagued me 24/7. a burst of inspiration here or there, a short idea I wanted to see through, but not nearly enough for me to want to block time out of my day every day to put ideas down anymore, like I used to. why have a daily block of my time dedicated to writing ideas down when *there were no ideas*.
You see what I mean? it's not like I wanted to write, and I didnt, and I'm sad I didnt. I didnt really want to write at all, so its... not a huge deal that i kept deciding not to.
also, writing is the one hobby I cant do while on a discord call. gpose? art? playing games? building legos??? that stuff I *can* do. so.... not wanting to write + cant write on discord call + on call near every night = I did other things, in 2022. and that's ok.
what other things? just existing with my friends. playing games together sometimes, watching shows together, or just... existing in the same place, together.
I cant even go oh wow I played a lot of ffxiv this year. like I did! but I did mostly because it gave me something to do with my hands that didnt require a lot of attention while I was spending time with my friends... or, specifically, with aera. you know what I did a lot of this year? mother fucking duty roulettes. leveling new classes. why? because it was something me and aera could do together, an excuse to hang out. like I think ffxiv combat is fun, for real, but like.... I would not choose to play it if I could not play it with aer. sorry to be gay on main, but not really.
which, now's as good of a time as any. you know what else happened to me in 2022? +1 girlfriend lol. aer I like her. 🥰..... sometimes after 8 years of knowing someone you go wow! I dont know how to imagine my life without you in it! and you start dating about it!
which, we only started dating officially in October, but hindsight 20/20. you know where most of my year went, instead of writing? making an excuse to hang out with aer. lol. lmao. I cant even be mad at myself. If I could go back in time I wouldnt change a thing, you know? every moment we spent together is worth more to me than another word on a page.... and sometimes you dont need to WRITE a fic, sometimes just passing lore between you and your girlfriend is, itself, fic. and that's fine! that's great!!! maybe that's all I'll ever really need.
sometimes you stop writing fic because you're too busy being gay!!!!!! whatever!!!!!!!
this got away from me!!!!!!!
~list time~
- got a girlfriend 🥰
- spent a lot of time with aer
- spent a lot of time with my other friends, too. watching shows with worms or playing splatoon or uno or furiously roasting cooking competitions. hanging out with wits, losing my mind with egg. the egg moments are a lot brighter in my mind, but mostly because "watching ryan get owned via observation duty together" or "paper mario all games simulrun" or "watching columbo while playing splatoon" are like.... these are DISTINCT things. they're crazy they're stupid!!!!!! they only happened once but man WHAT a fucking night, you know!
- I got anna out of the 5.x patches and finally got her to 6.0, even if I'm still progressing endwalker at a snail's pace. new duty content wait for me..... I dont care about seeing the story again..... hell conundrum ... but at LEAST I've done it lol. at LEAST I've made progress AND have the level 80 trials in my roulettes now.
- I got really good at gpose..... I like taking screenshots I love having a camera mode I love making art that's just playing with virtual barbie dolls and then setting up dramatic photos of them....
- also JUMPING PUZZLES LMAO get wrecked kugane tower I BEAT YOU
- also very funny that I did arr sightseeing just to put photos up in the house....
- rotating anna furiously in my brain. ffxiv just a blorbo machine lmao.
- I didnt do a lot of art but I DID draw eri being epic AND shadkai art which is all I've ever wanted since i started art like 5 years ago congrats baby rar we're WINNING
- OH YEAH I FREAKING RECORDED A KH DAYS PLAYTHRU????? THAT WAS FUN
- seeing my friend luca get into kh.... yayyyyy
- BOWSARIO TRUTHER NOW???? I LOOKED AT ORIGAMI KING IN JPN AND WOW BOWSER KINDA GAY
- mostly wrote Mario fic.... living the dream of 12 year old me at 25 hell yeah
- also revisited super paper mario!!!!!!! me and aer shotgunned it in a weekend and now she understands who I am as a person better
- also I played ttyd for her. girlfriend who watches me play childhood games 🥰🥰....
- it was fun!!! I loved it!!!!!!
- revisiting ftpverse and stupid mario bros too.... 2022 year of old fandom revival can’t wait to carry that energy into 2023
- partly from knowing aer is always in my corner and likes it when I share things that mean a lot to me with her 🥺 JFJSKDKSKDK I'm gay
- I like my family my mom is cool and supportive and its nice to hang out with my siblings yay
COOL THINGS???
- sonic 2 movie fucking slaps.... I'm a knuckles liker now
- scholomance series by naomi novik came into my home and repeatedly punched me in the face. 10/10 experience
- COLUMBO IS FUN???
- glass onion what a good movie
- splat 3 fun but I just like playing with friends
- wild that xc3 came out but it was just like nothing to me. alas.
- idk I read a lot of good books I cant remmeber now what any of them were and what I read in 2022 vs in 2021. oh well.
- OH. THE GREAT MISSION TO RESCUE PRINCESS PEACH. MOVIE OF ALL TIME MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE I like mario..... peach characterization was a delight..... GREAT stuff... do yourself a favor and watch it right now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzlZy9zpw0Q
Ok I think that’s everything thanks for coming everyone
2022 retrospective....... not sure even where to start lol. 2022 was a weird year for me especially - not bad weird, just different - because I like. wasnt writing. I wasnt NOT writing, of course, obviously I wrote some, but it was like... I'd write whenever inspiration struck, rather than wanting to write 24/7, like I have basically every year before. 75k words in 2022, which is a lot, but far from the 200k I usually average, or even the 150k I spat out in 2021.
and like. numbers dont matter, I genuinely sincerely dont care that the number is small. I'm satisfied with the amount I created this year. do I wish it was more? sure. what writer - what CREATOR - doesnt wish they had the time and ability to do more than what they actually did? finish all their wips? actually touch the things they keep saying they will, and then dont?
It's weird, and if I think too much about it, I'll end up getting way sad about how much I didn't do. (Which isnt even, really, a personal failing. it's a combo of health problems vs mental health problems vs capitalist society vs there will only ever be 24 hours in a day.)
I feel like if I keep saying I'm not sad, really, its just going to make it sound like I'm just trying to convince myself of that, lol, and maybe I am? maybe it's possible to be sad, but also to be content with outcome, at the same time. it's not ideal, but so few things in this world are ideal, especially lately.
let me tell you about the things that I did instead of writing, because I think that'll be more fun - and maybe let you see some more into my thought process - anyway.
I spent a lot of 2022 hanging out with my friends. on call on discord almost every night. and I dont regret that one bit! I kept making that decision, yeah, but spending time with friends is easy, and declining to spend time with friends in favor of sitting staring at a word document and struggling to put words to a page.... why would anyone do that? really, truly, why would anyone want to refuse to do something fun just to MAYBE write some words so your word count goes up? when I look at it like that... of course it makes more sense to spend my time with my friends.
also: I am the kind of person who is typically plagued 24/7 by my silly little fic ideas. the past twelve years of my writing career, easy, I was used to just... of course I always wanted to write. there were ideas in my head and how else was I meant to get them out? my blorbos are having a conversation with each other, let me write it down. And in 2022... that stopped. Not bad, not good, just a thing that happened. the blorbos in my head stopped talking, and I stopped wanting to write.
not that I hated writing all of a sudden, or disliked the concept of it: but the driving force that had made me put 200k words on a page every year for the past ten years? that was gone. no silly little conversations to write down. no ideas that plagued me 24/7. a burst of inspiration here or there, a short idea I wanted to see through, but not nearly enough for me to want to block time out of my day every day to put ideas down anymore, like I used to. why have a daily block of my time dedicated to writing ideas down when *there were no ideas*.
You see what I mean? it's not like I wanted to write, and I didnt, and I'm sad I didnt. I didnt really want to write at all, so its... not a huge deal that i kept deciding not to.
also, writing is the one hobby I cant do while on a discord call. gpose? art? playing games? building legos??? that stuff I *can* do. so.... not wanting to write + cant write on discord call + on call near every night = I did other things, in 2022. and that's ok.
what other things? just existing with my friends. playing games together sometimes, watching shows together, or just... existing in the same place, together.
I cant even go oh wow I played a lot of ffxiv this year. like I did! but I did mostly because it gave me something to do with my hands that didnt require a lot of attention while I was spending time with my friends... or, specifically, with aera. you know what I did a lot of this year? mother fucking duty roulettes. leveling new classes. why? because it was something me and aera could do together, an excuse to hang out. like I think ffxiv combat is fun, for real, but like.... I would not choose to play it if I could not play it with aer. sorry to be gay on main, but not really.
which, now's as good of a time as any. you know what else happened to me in 2022? +1 girlfriend lol. aer I like her. 🥰..... sometimes after 8 years of knowing someone you go wow! I dont know how to imagine my life without you in it! and you start dating about it!
which, we only started dating officially in October, but hindsight 20/20. you know where most of my year went, instead of writing? making an excuse to hang out with aer. lol. lmao. I cant even be mad at myself. If I could go back in time I wouldnt change a thing, you know? every moment we spent together is worth more to me than another word on a page.... and sometimes you dont need to WRITE a fic, sometimes just passing lore between you and your girlfriend is, itself, fic. and that's fine! that's great!!! maybe that's all I'll ever really need.
sometimes you stop writing fic because you're too busy being gay!!!!!! whatever!!!!!!!
this got away from me!!!!!!!
~list time~
- got a girlfriend 🥰
- spent a lot of time with aer
- spent a lot of time with my other friends, too. watching shows with worms or playing splatoon or uno or furiously roasting cooking competitions. hanging out with wits, losing my mind with egg. the egg moments are a lot brighter in my mind, but mostly because "watching ryan get owned via observation duty together" or "paper mario all games simulrun" or "watching columbo while playing splatoon" are like.... these are DISTINCT things. they're crazy they're stupid!!!!!! they only happened once but man WHAT a fucking night, you know!
- I got anna out of the 5.x patches and finally got her to 6.0, even if I'm still progressing endwalker at a snail's pace. new duty content wait for me..... I dont care about seeing the story again..... hell conundrum ... but at LEAST I've done it lol. at LEAST I've made progress AND have the level 80 trials in my roulettes now.
- I got really good at gpose..... I like taking screenshots I love having a camera mode I love making art that's just playing with virtual barbie dolls and then setting up dramatic photos of them....
- also JUMPING PUZZLES LMAO get wrecked kugane tower I BEAT YOU
- also very funny that I did arr sightseeing just to put photos up in the house....
- rotating anna furiously in my brain. ffxiv just a blorbo machine lmao.
- I didnt do a lot of art but I DID draw eri being epic AND shadkai art which is all I've ever wanted since i started art like 5 years ago congrats baby rar we're WINNING
- OH YEAH I FREAKING RECORDED A KH DAYS PLAYTHRU????? THAT WAS FUN
- seeing my friend luca get into kh.... yayyyyy
- BOWSARIO TRUTHER NOW???? I LOOKED AT ORIGAMI KING IN JPN AND WOW BOWSER KINDA GAY
- mostly wrote Mario fic.... living the dream of 12 year old me at 25 hell yeah
- also revisited super paper mario!!!!!!! me and aer shotgunned it in a weekend and now she understands who I am as a person better
- also I played ttyd for her. girlfriend who watches me play childhood games 🥰🥰....
- it was fun!!! I loved it!!!!!!
- revisiting ftpverse and stupid mario bros too.... 2022 year of old fandom revival can’t wait to carry that energy into 2023
- partly from knowing aer is always in my corner and likes it when I share things that mean a lot to me with her 🥺 JFJSKDKSKDK I'm gay
- I like my family my mom is cool and supportive and its nice to hang out with my siblings yay
COOL THINGS???
- sonic 2 movie fucking slaps.... I'm a knuckles liker now
- scholomance series by naomi novik came into my home and repeatedly punched me in the face. 10/10 experience
- COLUMBO IS FUN???
- glass onion what a good movie
- splat 3 fun but I just like playing with friends
- wild that xc3 came out but it was just like nothing to me. alas.
- idk I read a lot of good books I cant remmeber now what any of them were and what I read in 2022 vs in 2021. oh well.
- OH. THE GREAT MISSION TO RESCUE PRINCESS PEACH. MOVIE OF ALL TIME MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIE I like mario..... peach characterization was a delight..... GREAT stuff... do yourself a favor and watch it right now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzlZy9zpw0Q
Ok I think that’s everything thanks for coming everyone
