rar "too many AUs" sneezes

nona the ninth spoilers

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the vibe of this month was. arr sightseeing logs. kugane tower. being increasingly normal about mario. lego rockband. check yes juliet on repeat. and then having my last three days eaten by xb3 lololololol

also i didn't write it down on the clendar but i DID write two fics and posted a third that i'd had sitting around for a while. also some gposing. creative in little ways....

imgur album here

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was thinking about all the characters im fond of because of what i call the "fic writer's curse"; aka im only fond of them because i wrote a significant amount of fic about them

the list is currently


- bowser
- mario
- klaus xb1
- galea xb1
- miang xenogears
- jade totabyss
- hubert tograces
- flynn tovesperia
- hb gang kh (aerith leon cid yuffie)
- vexen kh
- aqua kh
- mickey kh
- mythra xb2*
- xigbar kh*
- malos xb2*

(*mythra malos characters of all time but i dont think my fondness for malos would be so strong if i hadn't so quickly put him in ywkon and i KNOW i didn't have strong brainworms about mythra until i did the same. xigbar meanwhile is like. i think i would love this dude's vibe regardless of his role in ftpverse, in fact he was my go-to org member to have cause shit BECAUSE he was my favorite, but)


but with some bonus elaborations

bowser is true in that i had no strong feelings about him until i wrote a fic and then it became ONLY fondness for him, mario is less that and more "i wrote fic and all of a sudden all the thoughts i had about him solidified into fondness" but like i want to be clear. writing fic about mario did shoot him up from funny little guy to blorbo comfort character etc to me

crucially this doesn't happen to every character i write for, and im not sure what the difference is EXACTLY, but i do suspect that there must be a golden area of lack of disconnect between the fic and the canon. characters either don't have enough canon to contradict (hb gang, klaus, galea, technically mario and bowser) or my portrayal of them doesn't significantly differ from canon (aqua, mickey, malos, mythra, hubert, flynn)

becuase like im thinking about jade and i could take or leave canon jade but ywkon jade is special to me. also canon vexen isn't my blorbo or anything i just like him significantly more than the rest of org13. AND, as you can tell, despite ywkon being primarily a symphonia fic, there's not a single symphonia character on this list,

but the ywkon cast is so much different from their canon cast that, like with jade, i barely consider them the same characters anymore. my fondness for ywkon lloyd does not map to my feelings about canon lloyd becuaes they are fundamentally different to me

which is something i've KNOWN about this phenomenon since ftpverse; critically you can see the ftpverse main cast isn't on here. i love my kids. but ftp sora is not canon sora, ftp kairi is not canon kairi, and ftp namine is EXTREMELY not canon namine. sora and kairi can psuedo-map, but once you get into "au where sora falls to darkness" it starts crumbling, and "au where namine is a replica and has different trauma than canon nobody namine" also make the disconnect freaking huge.

even repliku like. repliku in CoM is peak but i coudlnt' care less about canon repliku otherwise. my brainworsm are only ftpverse.

(subsequently this is why when i tried dywc 1.0, aka "stw", i really shot myself in the foot by including kh chars that.... werne't their ftpverse iterations. i have no idea who these people are!!! i don't love them that much and i certainly don't know how to write them!!!!)

hubert flynn and tbh miang are the ones that puzzle me a bit beucase they don't quite fit the rule, but i do think tales is differnt from kh in that i see so little tales (AND ESPECIALLY XENOGEARS RE MIANG) that i see them in the wild and go "HEHEH I LIKE THEM :)" vs kh where i see them in the wild and go "UR NEAT BUT UR NOT MY KIDS."     because like that's why jade is even on this list. i don't care much about canon jade but i see him and i go "heheh :) i like him :)" which is true of every char on this list (slightly less true for vexen but there are so many weird vexen takes in the wild that's to be expected) (xigbar is pretty consistent)

anyway this got rambily but

list of characters that make me go "heheh i like them :)" for no other reason than they starred in a fic i wrote

the vibe of this month was . idk. the usual. mythranna i like them eri i like her mythra i like her ardbert i like him. i finished shb. idk man.

listen to my eri fst or whatever

imgur album here (it's in shambles but take it)

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technically i have no qualms about making the most of the night being so thoroughly a relationship/character study fic as it is, while also being a smutfic, and i'd be lying if that wasn't at least partially what i set out to do with it

but i also know that some ppl possibly don't want to read smut, so, here's the keystone relationship moment from it, isolated

i'm not editing out the context of "they started having sex but almond got really anxious and stressed about it so they stopped" but that's the context. enjoy your neurotic catgirl and her patient not-yet-her-gf-but-you-can-see-why-they're-getting-there

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so i caved and made one of these babies

some babbling elaboration because i did think. like. a lot about htis. i have been ruminating on who i'd put down for anna since i first saw the meme,
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misc 24.8 thoughts wrt "this is a story about it doesn't matter if you're aware of the abuse or not; sometimes you simply are powerless to do anything about it" that got away from me

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the theme of this month was replaying twilight princess and also the ms pacman maze madness ost becuase crystal caves is a fucking bop (bonus 1 is also a jam)

imgur album here


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but i ansewred it anyway becuase i wanted to know!!!!!!!

okay so first the wordcount list by number of years - this says """9""" years but seeing as i started in fall 2010 and ended in spring 2018 it's still 8 years. numberes get weird when counting years


1 - 60
2 - 200
3 - 150
4 - 200
5 - 200
6 - 200
7 - 60
8 - 80
9 - 50

already you can see if the final 3 years i spent writing for ftpverse were like, 200k total (THAT WENT TO FTPVERSE),  well! that's about how you end up with 1mil in 8 years

"wait rar the math adds up to 1.2mil" yeah which makes all the more sense as to how i wrote 1mil words of ftpverse in 8 years, becuase it was 1.2mil words of ftpverse in 8 years, the final of the 3 years which make up the .2 of the 1.2 mil. AND ALSO.

well let me get the year breakdown before i go on my tangent

10 - 60 (only wrote ftp in final quarter)
11 - 200
12 - 150
13 - 200
14 - 200
15 - 200
16 - 80 (wrote 100k of dead inside edits, but while that was net gain on words written, it evened out wrt ftp's total word count, since they were just replaced)
17 - 80 (another 50k to DI edits, and 50k to unrelated projects)
18 - 50 (only spend the first quarter on ftp, the other 3/4ths of the year i wrote 180k of ywkon and other projects) (80k ywkon 100k other for those curious.) (it's me i'm curious)

year breakdown makes it clear how that even tho i really did spend 8 years working primarily on Only Ftpverse ((truly, excluding 2010 before i started it, i only wrote+posted 150k of non ftpverse related fanfic, and those were in the final 3 years. ish. years are hard it was 2015-2017, 2018 doesn't count because i Finished ftpverse, and THEN started writing other things -))

where the fuck was i, i got on a tangent.  OH . i guess the point is over the span of 8 years i wrote 150k of non ftpveres content, 50k per the final 3 years....... the rest of 2016 and 2017's wordcount belongs to dead inside edits.... which, again, net gain on words written, but otherwise the ftpverse wordcount stays the same because i essentially deleted 100k words to add 150k words.

so yeah.

the total is 1.2mil, which... the ao3 series is 50k short of that, but 1) these are estimates

and keypoint 2) i didn't repost all of asas and can't escape to ao3. asas on ffn is 200k and asas on ao3 is 120k. can't escape is 100k on ffn, and tho i share this wordcount with my sister... even the presuambly 50k i wrote of it got consolidated into asas on ao3 or simply not cross posted. that means there's like. a whole 150k of words that i wrote for ftpverse that i just did not put to ao3, so. yeah.

"how do you have proof of writing 200k yearly and ftpverse is only 1.1mil on ao3 after 8 years when it should have reached 1mil after 5" easy 1) i only actually spent 7 years full time writing ftpverse 2) those final 2 years only about 80k per year actually went into the wordcount because rewrites 3) ao3's wordcount is inherently 200k short of ffn's because i didn't repost everything

which actually.... if you assume the ao3 wordcount is 1.2 mil plus the 150k i didn't crosspost from ffn, that makes ftpverse as a whole like 1.5mil (apprxoimately) which........ yeah that sure is about 200k per year for 8 years. EVEN IF 1.5mil is generous and we're actually at like 1.4 mil... well, the first and final year only put about 50k into ftpverse. the math still checks out

anyway this was a very silly question but i enjoyed doing the math for it lol . i hope you gained anything from this and if you didn't well i know i sure did!

the mood of this month was uh. emotion on repeat still and then also million pieces by bastille with a little of who knew by p!nk while crying about ffxiv characters. and then like halfway thru the month i swapped but idr what to. it's fine. idk why im so comitted to the music bit also lmao

here's the imgur album

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